Sertraline and me

Despite struggling with mental ill health, to greater and lesser degrees for the majority of my life, I’ve chosen for the most part to stay unmedicated (apart from a relatively short and very badly managed period of Citalopram a good few years ago now).

I’d made that decision for so many different reasons – that probably deserve their own blog post! But, the journey that I’ve been on since 2018, led me to a point of going back on that decision. It wasn’t the result of anything dramatic; more that I was finally ready to try another way of dealing with my issues.

Towards the beginning of the year I spoke to my doctor, who thankfully is lovely and I can really trust. I explained to her what I wanted to do, and she was very supportive, especially considering how I’d always been so clear about not medicating.

She prescribed Sertraline, which is a very common drug for anxiety and depression, so I thought I’d share my experiences with you. Whether you’re thinking about medicating and worrying if it’s the right thing for you, or want to see if there’s anybody out there who feels the same as you do, this is for you.

What is Sertraline?

Sertraline is an antidepressant, and is prescribed for people with depression as well as anxiety, panic attacks or obsessive-compulsive symptoms.

There are different groups of anti-depressants, based on their ingredients and how they interact with your body, and Sertraline is in a group of drugs called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).

How does Sertraline work?

SSRIs work by blocking the reabsorption of serotonin, otherwise known as ‘the happy chemical,’ into neurons in the brain. Instead of serotonin being quickly reabsorbed as it usually would be, SSRIs let the serotonin remain in the synaptic gap between neurons for a longer period of time, allowing the chemical to send extra messages to the receiving neuron, which in turn is thought to boost mood.

What are the side effects of Sertraline?

Like most drugs, there are a whole host of side effects, some of which are more common than others. Here are just some delightful side effects that Sertraline can potentially cause.

• Diarrhoea / Constipation
• Nausea / Vomiting
• Headache / Dizziness
• Insomnia
• Fatigue / Drowsiness
• Loss of appetite
• Dry mouth
• Loss of sex drive / Ejaculation disorder / Impotence
• Agitation
• Numbness and tingling
• Weight gain / Increased appetite
• Pain (chest, back, muscle)
• Anxiety / Palpitations
• Sweating

Now obviously, drug companies have to declare all possibilities for their due diligence, but you’d be truly unlucky to get more than a handful of these at any one time.

And, as disheartening as it may be, you have to weigh up the impact your mental ill-health is having on your life and decide which combination of things you’re willing to endure.

I personally decided that I was willing to take on some physical effects (I was actually praying for some loss of appetite!) for the possibility of feeling emotionally and mentally better.

My experience

So you’ve heard the medical bumph. Now time for the real talk. But before I continue, please do bear in mind that this is my personal experience: I do not speak for every person who takes Sertraline. This is my journey, through which I hope to provide support and help to normalise these conversations, so we can all live happier and healthy lives.

The beginning

I was initially prescribed 50mg a day, which I understand to be the norm. Everything was fine until about day 3 or 4, when I had what can only be described as a manic episode.

I flew around the house, tidying, cleaning; my hands shook uncontrollably. Thankfully it was a Saturday – my husband was at home, I shared with him what was happening and I felt safe. It would have been a different picture if that had happened whilst I was out of the house and, naturally, I ruminated on that for a while in the coming days once the episode had passed.

After that, I had several other noticeable side effects. The first (I’ll try and save you the gory details) was a ‘bad tummy.’ Daily diarrhoea was a thing (sorry!) and my stomach really struggled to settle with food, particularly the first meal of the day, which for me is usually lunch as I tend to skip breakfast.

The second was the inability to cry, and it came from left-field for me, I wasn’t expecting it. Now, some people would think this is a good thing: Sertraline is blocking that negativity and allowing you to be happy, right? Well for some people, that might be true. But I hated it. For me, it was the opposite of what I wanted – I wanted to deal with my problems, not push them down and physically stop that healthy expulsion of negative emotion and energy through crying. And more than that, it made me feel like a robot. I really disliked the fact that I was incapable of having a normal physical response, and it didn’t feel positive that that had been taken away.

The middle

I carried on, thinking that the end will justify the means. But I didn’t feel any better. On my monthly med check, my dose was increased to 100mg a day.

But I still didn’t feel any better. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I thought I’d feel happier somehow. I thought the constant stream of thoughts would slow down. I thought I’d be more care-free or less alone. And I didn’t; they didn’t; I wasn’t.

The next med check my dose was increased to 150mg a day and the month after that, to 200mg a day – the highest dose allowed. But honestly, I didn’t feel any different.

By this point, alongside the original issues, I was fairly upset, because I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working. Why it works for millions of people across the world, and not for me – why? Am I that broken?? Instead of helping, it became another obsession, another source of over-thinking, another reason to attack myself for being a failure.

The end

At the next med review, I discussed with my doctor moving to a different group of anti-depressants and I was instead prescribed Propranolol and Mirtazapine.

I’m nearly two months in with them now, with mixed reviews and thoughts. So come back another day, and I’ll share some more information about them too.

Until then, stay safe and healthy.

Jo x