My 7 Days of Self-Kindness Challenge

18-24^th May marks Mental Health Awareness Week; 7 days of open conversations around how to support and promote the nations mental health. This year’s theme is kindness and, whilst it’s obviously vital to show kindness to others, as my fave Ru Paul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?!” We really need to start with ourselves.

You might not think you have to actively show kindness to yourself but let me tell you – you really do. For so many years, I was in what you might call an abusive relationship with myself. Criticising everything, withholding physical and mental nourishment, torturing myself at every turn. And all it led to was self-hatred, self-destructive choices, more criticism, and on it went in a vicious cycle.   

What it took me many years to figure out was how to cut myself some slack. It’s not possible to be perfect – no one is. It’s OK to have bad days, make mistakes – everyone does. It’s not weak to be vulnerable or open up – we all need help.

And whilst I’m still hard on myself (who knows if it’s something I’ll ever fully crack), switching lanes from the ‘stick’ of self-abuse to the ‘carrot’ of kindness and self-care has genuinely helped to make me a better version of myself. It’s led to self-understanding, to calm and to confidence.

So, in honour of 7 days of talking about mental health, I’ve devised my own ‘7 days of Self-Kindness Challenge.’

Monday – Affirmations

Changing long-held beliefs, particularly about yourself, takes work. At first, you might find it near impossible to show yourself true kindness. So, try reciting affirmations to force a reset in your stubborn brain. You can buy sets of affirmation cards, both general and based on a theme if there’s something about yourself you recognise needs extra compassion. Or, if you’re feeling confident or self-reflective, you could experiment with creating your own. This is something I’ve dabbled with and it’s a really nice way to start thinking positively about yourself. And if you repeat something enough, you’ll start to believe it and over-ride the negative self-beliefs that you’ve been clinging onto.  

Tuesday – Be mindful of your thoughts

But we can’t just put ourselves in a trance of positivity. We also need to be able to identify and own our negative thoughts. Often, they’re so insidious and ingrained in our lives and behaviours, that we no longer even recognise them as negative. So when you start to become aware of how you speak to yourself, you might find yourself horrified at what you say! For me, I came to realise that I rarely thought a nice thing about myself from month to month – I’d allowed myself to become a bully. No wonder my mental health was hanging by a thread. Making an effort to recognise these thoughts and turn them around before they go too far is so important in being pro-active in showing kindness to yourself.    

Wednesday – Forgive your mistakes, and yourself

If you’re still obsessing about that person you were mean to when you were 15, or that client project you forgot about in 2007, it means you’re not showing yourself kindness; you’re still using every tiny mistake to punish yourself, as proof as to why you’re supposedly inadequate.

LET THEM GO. You would never dream of lauding these little things over others the way you do to yourself. No. It’s not easy. But start with reflecting on why you’re still holding onto these things, and it will help lead you to how to move past them. As my Mum always says, accept and move on.

Thursday – Take steps towards healthier behaviours

Being kind to yourself doesn’t only encompass your mental health, it impacts on your physical health too. Often when we’re not showing ourselves compassion internally, that will lead to an external effect. It could be drinking too much, comfort eating or, conversely, not eating at all. It could be staying up super late every night or over-exercising.

Whether it’s perceived by society as positive, like being super thin and doing daily 10K runs, or negative, like drinking alone and binge eating, they amount to the same thing – lack of kindness and self-punishment. Identify the outlet you’re prone to – and why – and work on approaching it in a healthier, more balanced way.

Friday – Give yourself permission to have down-time

In this age of social media “Boss Babes” and teenage technology billionaires, it’s easy to believe that we always need to be “on.” We need to be hustling, working on additional revenue streams, doing charity work, making picture-postcard memoires with our family and running a marathon.  And if we’re not doing all of these things, all of the time, we’re not productive. We lose our value in society. We need to remember that this is a construction. We get to define our own worth. Through our creativity, our passions, our love. And if we don’t slow down to reflect on what we have, and what we truly want from life, we’ll never be happy.  

One of the best ways to show yourself kindness is just to stop. Take the pressure off. Remove external influence that makes you feel unworthy. Stop comparing. Stop filling your life with ‘busyness’. Stop constantly goal setting and striving.  

The moments of calm are where we’ll find clarity and happiness.   

Saturday – A little gesture

Pro-active self-kindness is not always an easy road, so it’s time for a treat. Cook yourself your favourite meal. Buy yourself a little present. Write yourself a letter. Do something for yourself that you happily do for others, but often forget when it comes to yourself. It’s not about big money gestures, don’t go out, buy a Porsche and blame me…! It’s all about showing yourself that you care, that you’re loved, that you’re seen.

Sunday – Self-care

Round out the week by pulling together everything you’ve practiced, everything you’ve learned about yourself and use it to spoil yourself.

Give yourself a compliment, read a book, take a nap. Soak in the bath, go for a bike ride, paint a picture. Say sorry, eat some fruit, call an old friend. Book a doctor’s appointment, get your hair done, throw away some junk. Drink herbal tea, walk in the woods, delete that number.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s the easiest way to nourish and sustain your mind and soul and show yourself some much needed kindness.         

I would love to hear if you’ve had a go at my 7 days to self-kindness challenge – let me know below!