Ripples, not resolutions – the changes I’ll be making in 2020 for life, not just for Jan

Happy new year to you all! I hope you’re feeling relaxed and rejuvenated. And here we are – 2020! I can’t quite believe it, in my head I’m still somewhere mid-noughties… But believe it or not, we have a brand-new year, and decade, ahead. And resolutions are always the first thing on people’s minds.

I really hate new year’s resolutions. They tend to be a form of passive-aggressive self-hatred, pointing out all your apparent flaws, at your most vulnerable time – after the indulgence of Christmas, and whilst teetering on the edge of all the terrifying possibilities of the new year. Lose weight. Eat healthier. Drink less. Earn more. All these vague jabs that don’t actually equal tangible change. Inevitably they lead to failure, guilt and even more self-loathing.

Personally, I also have an issue with authority – most likely stemming from my childhood school experiences that led to a complete lack of faith and respect in authority figures and the institutions they rule over. And strangely, that feeling also bleeds directly into my own sense of self. When part of my psyche needs to be the authority figure, other parts rebel against it. Cut back on booze? Err, pass the shots.

As an anxious mind, I’m also massively change-averse, so the big gestures that always come hand in hand with new year’s resolutions fill me with dread and fear.

So attempting to heavily restrict myself in certain areas, or commit to massive changes, just does not work for my personality type. It’s taken many years for me to figure that out, especially when you’re fighting against the annual media narrative that resolutions are fabulous and are the jazzy bandwagon that we should all be riding with glee.

For me, I have to re-frame restrictions and changes and identify little things that can drip feed into my daily life and become a part of me long-term, to make me a healthier, happier, better me. I no longer have a place for short-term radical overhauls.

So if you’re anything like me and struggling with resolutions, here are some of the things I’ll be trying to work on and incorporate into my life this year.

Read more

I love reading. I love books. English Literature was always my favourite subject at school, and I have a degree in English Lit (combined with film). Whilst my peers detested Shakespeare, and couldn’t understand poetry, I revelled in them. I adored the hidden messages, metaphors and interpretations – the choice of a particular colour, flower or name… that there was meaning in everything, down to the last little detail. Books gave me immersive worlds, both to lose myself in, but also to test my intellect with. That might not sound like a party for some, but for me – heaven.

However, reading is an art and like any art: if you don’t practice, you lose it. I got out of the habit of reading for many reasons – stressful jobs, poor mental health and ultimately children – and now when I sit down to read, I struggle. With attention span, with getting into the right frame of mind, with technology desperate to garner my attention.

So this year, I’m going to make the effort to get the pleasure of books back into my life. Not a Good Reads commitment, to read a book a week like a page-consuming maniac. But to make some time each day to read, if only a few pages. Over a few weeks, forcibly making the time will become a habit and each time I’ll read a few more pages, each time the pull of my phone will be less, and it will no longer be forced. I hope to re-read some of my favourites, Pride and Prejudice and Dracula, and read some classics I never got around to, like Frankenstein and 1984.

Focus on mindfulness          

A few years ago now, when I was in a period of really struggling with my mental health, my husband bought me a book on mindfulness – it wasn’t heavy, just an introduction, some simple tips and tricks to try and an audio to listen to as well. But I now know that I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind then. I still didn’t understand, I still scoffed, I hadn’t had the final push I needed yet. After 2018 changed so much for me, a light was shone back on mindfulness and I started to realise its importance.

As you know if you’ve been following my journey, I played with it in numerous ways last year and it’s been exciting, interesting and genuinely helpful. So this year, I want to pursue mindfulness in a more guided way.

The first step comes in the form of one of my Christmas presents, again from my husband – A Month of Mindfulness (from EmbracingMindfulness.com). You could almost say that the company was set up exactly for people like me – people who want to pursue mindfulness but need help to practise more effectively. Neuroscience research has shown us that our brain needs about 30 consecutive days to adapt and establish new habits. So EmbracingMindfulness create small challenges, that you can do in a month, to help bring mindfulness into your life in a fun and meaningful way – and stay there for good.

Focus on happiness and gratitude        

As you know, I often talk of the importance of the little things – with mental ill health, everything can seem so huge and impossible to get a handle on and you can easily spiral out of control. So not only noticing the little things, but really focusing on their importance, can really help to ground you and keep you away from negative spirals.

But as daily life goes on, as jobs arise and lists grow, you can find yourself getting overwhelmed and losing the little things in the fog. So you need to keep a hold of them.

I saw the idea of a gratitude/happiness jar online and it’s such a good idea. Every week (at a minimum) you write down something good that happened and pop it into the jar and at the end of the year, you can sit down and read through all the wonderful moments that make up life that you might otherwise have forgotten. And you don’t necessarily have to wait until the end of the year: if you’re feeling down, you can delve into the jar for a little happiness boost.

And the process of forcing yourself to record all those little things, helps you to notice them in your day to day life, become more mindful and create a good, long-term habit, just as explained above.      

Eat the rainbow

No, not eat more Skittles. More fruit and veg, obvs. During the infamous 2018, I’d got into a great habit of religiously meal planning, with at least one meat-free meal a week, ensuring to use every veg I could think of, lentils and beans. It felt so good. But falling ill and ending up in hospital for over a month completely threw a grenade into our lives and it took a long time to recover (have we even fully recovered now, I wonder?) That habit was one of the many things that were lost in the fallout. And with recovery and my second surgery last year, it feels like we’ve just been playing catch up with everything.

So this year it’s important to me to ensure that nutrition is really considered – I need to remember that my physical health needs to be nurtured as much as my mental health.      

There are many other things that are floating round my head – of course! – but if you’re just flinging mud at the wall, not much is going to stick. I’ll focus on these things for the next few months, create the habits, and then add some more in for spring, then summer.

Who says you need to wait until new years anyway?

Tell me, what are the ripples you’ll be making in your own life this year?